when the heart cries

Sometimes I think you're expectations for me are too high that I may not be able to reach them. Sometimes when I come back home I want to share with you my daily debate stories from school but I'm afraid I'll get your look of disinterested and disapproval. The thought of disappointing you scares the soul out of me.

And there's no absolute guarantee that I would live up to your expectations. But at least let me fail now rather than later. Let me fail now so I would know how painful is failure. Let me learn from the pain so it'll make me better in every aspects so I could attain the dreams that you wanted me to.

I'm exhausted of all these too. But at least I'm exhausted from something that I actually enjoy doing and at the end of the day I hope I can prove to you that I am capable of reaching the biggest dreams possible.

And things would be a lot sweeter and easier knowing that you will always be behind my back, supporting me through this challenging but hopefully soon-to-be-valuable moments of my life.

Because there is nothing more I need right now other than the support from the person I care and love the most in life.

A 2nd chance to relive the dreams

Daryl called the other day with news that I wouldn't have expected to hear. NOT in a million years. Selangor Wira debate champ, USJ 12 just backed out of the competition and since DJ was the 1st runner up, automatically we would be replacing them as the Selangor representatives at Wira national levels.

How freaking cool is that??? A rare, golden opportunity like this hardly comes by everyday. Heck, it hardly comes by anyday! And that's why we're going all out, all the way this time around because this is our only chance in bringing back the prestigious trophy back to DJ.

But of course now the debaters will have double workloads. We gotta prepare for the motions (4 of them all together) and on top of that we still have to prepare for the upcoming final exams. Whew! The debates will be held in Kelantan where we will be competing with states all over Malaysia.

DJ's Wira debate team is back and wish us all the best, people!

WE'RE BACK!!

My Raya open house

I had a small Raya gathering at my house today. Invited a few friends over, my classmates, close friends and half of my debate team (only Daryl and Keefe could make it) and we ate nasi briyani, nasi impit and tiramisu cake and ice cream as desserts.

I don't believe in big, crowded gatherings and instead I prefer to have a small, intimate one so none of my guests would feel left out. And even with the small number of guests we had plenty of fun. Ashiqin suggested we played some Saidina (copycat version of Monopoly) and then we walked around the neighbourhood, making convos and jokes all day.

Here are some of the pics

My honourable guests

Girls + Syamir gone smiley

Ready to play some serious Saidina bussiness

Concentrating hard on the game

Money crazy!

Yummy!

You know who's that =D

a night of german youth orchestra

Last night was a night filled with classical, beautiful music for some of us. Alia, Nunu, Ellya, Faiz, my parents and I went to a classical music orchestra performed by the eminent Westphalian Chamber Youth Orchestra at IIUM, specially flown from Germany.

Young, hot German youth played classical pieces from Mozart to Bach to Bartholdy beautifully and the crowd was lured by their performance. One of the orchestra members on violin was actually a Turkish. He's living in Germany and I tested my Turkish skills on him and he was like "Oh your pronounciation is very good. Very nice". *blush blush*

Last night was more than listening to classical music but it was also about exposure. Exposure to the music world that made today's music what it was. Music had always been an evolution but it all started from music like Beethoven's and Mozart's.

And living in today's plural society this kind of exposure is very much needed so that when others talk about these classical composers at least we know what they sound like and not stare back blankly when we hear names like Tchaikovsky, Baron Britten etc.

Now I really know how good-looking Germans can be but the Turkish guys are still the best. Tee-hee!

The orchestra at their best

On Violoncello

The girls on violin (if only I could play as good as them)

German musicians with me and Ellya

The very sweet, pretty, talented German girls

And this is the Turkish guy I was talking bout earlier. Burak and I

A joyous Eid

This Hari Raya/Eid Mubarak was by far the most memorable and joyous one for my whole family. Mainly because we shared it with strangers that at the end of the day turned to be a part of our family.

Eid was celebrated along with my mum's foreign students, Adnan (Bosnia), Mahmoud (Palestine), Sabri (Kenya) and Ali (Central Africa) and boy, was it mirthful. We showed them how to make 'lemang', brought them around the kampung, ate the local delicacies and treated them like they were one of us.

All 4 guys were the talk of the small town in Raub because each and every one of them were skilled in their own ways. For instance, Ali was one heck of a talented guy who knew how to recite the Quran beautifully, danced his cool African dances, kung-fu and on top of that he's very pious. One of the most talented persons I've ever met.

We had a lot to teach and show each other and it had been a truly joyous Raya that you could hear constant howls of laughters of us enjoying ourselves in my grandma's house.

Again, HaPpY eId MuBaRak and MaAf ZaHiR dan BaTiN!

In the Kampung on the morning of Eid

My aunty's deer, Benny

the 'Fantistic Four' (from left: Mahmoud, Adnan, Sabri and Ali)

Adnan the 'orang putih' preparing a lemang

Yay! Raya's coming!

Say goodbye with tears to Ramadhan and let's welcome Syawal with a sense of victory as well as gratification of having to complete a battle of your inner self and desires for one whole month. Whether we did it successfully or otherwise, that's between us and God.

Yay! Raya's almost here! This year, my family and I are travelling back to Raub, Pahang with an additional of 4 'family members'. We're bringing back home with us 4 foreign boys from Bosnia, Palestine and 2 boys from Africa (my mum's students) so they could have a taste of Malay culture and how the Eid Mubarak is celebrated in the community.

I can't wait to savour on the Raya delicacies, you know the usual stuff. Lemang, ketupat, rendang daging etc. Yummy!

To all my Muslims friends, an early 'SELAMAT HARI RAYA' for you and to others, have an enjoyable week.

Datanglah ke rumah nanti =)

Nostalgia's out!

Finally, after months and months of writing, photography, editing and re-editing, Nostalgia '08 has finally been printed and distributed to the whole school. The magazine might look thin this year, (due to lack of financial support) but the quality of the articles and the layouts are definitely better this time around.

And all thanks to the fabulous Editorial Board Members who have worked very hard this year. Too much sweat, blood and tears have been poured towards the making of this magazine and it's just so satisfying to see 'our baby' in prints and it being read by everyone in school.

Nostalgia Ed Board '08

a cross cultural Ramadhan

Ramadhan had always been a month that was anticipated by many Muslims. It's the time of the month where we spend the most time with people that were dear and near to us. With God, family, friends and fellow Muslims.

My mum invited her foreign students on Saturday and Sunday for iftar (buka puasa/breaking fast in Arabic) at our home and students from all over came. Turkey, Gambia, Afghanistan, Mauritius, Uzbekistan, India, you name it, they were there.

And yesterday the Turkish community in KL invited my family over for iftar at the Legend Hotel where they had this programme about Ramadhan and stuff. It made me realize that fasting was just more than depriving oneself from food, drinks and carnal desires. It was also about learning the meaning of hardship and starvation that the less fortunate went through everyday.

The iftars that I had had been pleasant. It showed that Islam was all about brotherhood and meeting each other's needs too. We might have different skin colours, traditional beliefs and nationalities but deep inside we're all the same.

We're like one big family who stands on the same common ground and being the servants of Allah.

It's me, the tutor....again!

I used to tutor my 7 year old cousin, Ahmad how to read and count. And this time I'm tutoring my other cousin to prepare her for PMR in a few weeks time. She had epilepsy since she was a kid and it had killed many of brain cells so that's why she needs all the help she can to get through this exams.

Too many times, too many of us take for granted for the things that we have in life. With a perfectly healthy brain we could do so many wonders compared to the less fortunate but we choose not to.

We just finished watching Phantom of the Opera so she could get a clearer picture of what the novel is all about. And she's taking a rest now. After all she can't be pushed too hard or her seizure will attack her.

I hope with the little help I'm offering her, she would be able to do relatively well in her exams.

Sketching a glimpse of me

4 ANGSANA is filled with people from different walks of life. From debaters to book authors to band singers to Sukma cyclist to artists, we have it all here. And today Chong Wei unleashed his artistic skills by sketching a portrait of me during Biology class.

And here is his artwork:



I wouldn't say that the sketching looks exactly like me but I do see a glimpse of myself in it. I look pretty hard and fierce, though. Some of my friends said the sketching reminded them of some kind of female politician. Heh!

I'm here

Giri has referred me as the consultant/wingwoman. He said Zafirah is the person to go to when you have issues and need answers and solutions to them because apparently he thinks I have answers to everything. Yeah, riigghhhhtttt!!


I am not a consultant who has answers to anything and everything, not at all. I'm just a friend who is willing to sit down and listen to you and if there is any problem that needs solutions, than we will figure it out together as friends, not as 'consultant and client' like what Giri says.

So, dear peeps, need a pair of good ears that can listen to you no matter what the circumstances are? I'm here =)

OMG! it was AVRIL LAVIGNE!!

It was on. It was off. It was on again. And it was really 'on' last Friday night. I'm talking about Avril Lavigne's controversial concert in Malaysia which got bad protests from PAS. Anyway the concert still went on and it was the 'best damn concert'.

Went there with Alia and Nunu and despite the rain, we had a fun time singing to her 'Girlfriend', 'When You're Gone', 'Skater Boy' etc. And she was sooo adorable! Even if she was 24, she looked like a 17 year old.

But ever since she got married, she became feminine, a lil too feminine. Everything was almost PINK. From her pink hair streak to the pink backdrop to her pink guitar. She even had a pink piano! I mean, pink's a nice colour but too much of it can be....nauseating.

But whatever, Avril Lavigne, she's the BEST DAMN THING!

Ready to rock, girls!

That's the pink backdrop I was talking about

Avril rocking on her pink guitar

Kipas Avril that cost me RM 10 -_-

LIVE in the NOW!

Maarten van der Weijden, a warrior of his own

Beijing Olympics 2008 has already come to an end. What caught my attention the most about it wasn't Michael Phelps staggering 8 golds or Usain Bolt's tremendous world records but rather it was Dutchman Maarten van der Weijden's gold medal victory in the 10KM open water marathon that left me amazed.



He was diagnosed with leukemia in 2001 but that didn't stop him from winning. He said the leukemia has taught him to think step-by-step and patience because when you are lying in a hospital bed with pain and agony, the last thing you want to think about is what will become of tomorrow.



And that's when it hit me right in the head. We, sometimes worry too much about what would happened in the next day, years and decades to come that we forget to live in that particular moment. Stop worrying too much about tomorrow because tomorrow will never come if we don't live through today so take each second and day as it comes and make the best out of it.



Only if you truly live in the 'NOW' moment can you have a memorable past and a beautiful future.

Avril Lavigne's cancellation: What the....???

I can't believe they have cancelled Avril Lavigne's concert. And it was cancelled on the basis of it being inappropriate as the concert will fall during the nation's independence period. Like what the......???

Does going to Avril's concert make us less Malaysians and less patriotic? Does listening to her 'When Your Gone' make us less ethical? Does practicing freedom of music and arts make us take bribes, steal and kill others?

This is a democratic country where the people have the rights to the basic civil liberty. These people who cancelled the concert didn't even bother about the majority voice who wants the concert to go on. There are bigger worries that these people should look into like the increasing number of drug addicts, Mat Rempits and murderers out on the street. But no, they prefer to stick their noses into unnecessary matters.

Please, just give us some space to breathe and live on this democratic land we called, Malaysia.

I LOVE KL!! (turkish video shooting)

Welcome to our wonderful city, Kuala Lumpur (in Orchid Garden)

High up at Lake Garden

My beautiful, wonderful Turkish sisters

Lotus life

In front of National Mosque

Just came back from Kuala Lumpur for my 'music video shooting'. Can you imagine I was walking around the city in my high heels for 4 hours straight so we could get perfect shots of me. But it was an interesting experience as well as an eye opener for me. I never actually cared about the beauty of KL. To me it was just a city where I got to know since the day I was born.

But my Turkish sisters were in awe at practically everything they saw. They went 'Ohh, cok guzel ya!' (oooo, very beautiful!) at the lush greenery of the Lake Garden, the magnificent architecture of the National Mosque, the beauty of orchids found in the Orchid Garden and they were even in awe at the cuteness of little Malaysian children.

That was when I took a step back and looked around at what KL has to offer. Too many times we take things for granted. I only got to realize and appreciate the beauty of Kuala Lumpur through the eyes of the foreigners. It opened my eyes to the real beauty of the city of Kuala Lumpur.

And now the Turks would be able to see the same thing once the video is being aired on their TV.

turkish singing...again!

Few weeks ago, a Turkish national TV, Samanyoluhaber contacted my Turkish teacher and wanted the Malaysian participants, me and Sakinah to sing a few songs for their Ramadhan program. Sakinah is singing a few part of the 'Asma ul-Husna' while I have to sing 2 Turkish songs, Sahit Olsun and Seni Anlatamam.

Jeez. Just when I thought my Turkish days are over, they keep running after me! So today I began the recording of the songs at my home. It took me 5 hours and probably 20 trial runs before getting the perfect vocal and singing. You have no idea how tiring it was.

And tomorrow, we would be recording the music video in KLCC where the whole of Turkey will get to see the beauty of Kuala Lumpur.

Looks like I have a future to be a Turkish singer. LOL

P/S Ashiqin ngan Alia, tak payah nak mengada minta a copy of the singing tau? I'm not gonna give it to you girls ;P

Let Him Go

My heart hammered in pain,

As his shadow is here again,

I thought he was long gone,

But popped came his icon,

Damn I was wrong!

As the old memories and pain came along.

People changed,

I changed,

Maybe not for the better,

I seem torn and battered,

Like a woman fighting alone in a war,

Her anger and the monster deep inside roar,

Searching for her true identity,

While avoiding self-pity.

Let him go,

I watch him slip away,

My clear thoughts I could no longer convey,

Let him go,

To be with someone more of his kind,

Someone more refined.

This is goodbye,

And I say it with a sigh.

To let go is to not regret the past but to grow and live for the future.

Happy Sweet 16 Mimsy!

We threw a surprise Sweet 16 birthday party for Mimi at the Eden in the Curve. She wasn't her usual self the morning of the day so I hoped the party did cheer her up.

Thank you Mimi for being the lovely, awesome friend you are. You always make me laugh with your funny, random laughs and I will cherish our friendship for the years to come. Cheers girl!!

Happy Bday MIMI!!

A beginning to a wonderful journey of 16 years of life

Dinner!

Friends are forever

Girls love mirror

the lost of trust and faith

It's funny how sometimes we are not what we appear to be. 16 years of life have shown me just how many double-faced friends there are. I can't help to wonder who is hiding behind masks and lying underneath blankets of anonymity and who is not. I used to have blind faiths as in believing and trusting everyone around me. Because I know faith and trust is what keep friendships and families together and with trust comes hope which keeps us going in life.

But I should have known better....When surrounded with people who offer you nothing more than 'artificial friendships' blind faith is the last thing to do. It hurts to know that their genialities are just facades when you actually trust and treasure they're so-called friendships.

It's hard for me to put in trust and faith on others from now except for the true friends that have stayed true and family that has stayed loyal.

A heartbreaker :(

Had a movie date with my girlfriends today (Alia, Nunu and Anis) in my own humble home. We watched the critically-acclaimed movie, the Notebook. Yea, yea I know the movie was an old movie but 4 of us can be a bit 'ketinggalan zaman' at times but it was never too late to spend an afternoon together with your besties catching up on old movies, was it? And that was exactly what we did today. The movie was pretty good though nothing really excellent about it.

It was all about how whatever happens you will be destined to your soul mate even if you are separated from him by land or sea. You don't have to chase for love. If it's meant to be, it will look after you.

And Avril Lavigne is coming to town!! I was practically jumping with joy when I read the news piece in the Star about a month ago. Anyone who knows me well would know that Avril Lavigne is a big favourite of mine. Alia and I made a promise back when we were in Form 1 that if Avril Lavigne were to have a concert in Malaysia, we would go together. And we almost did except that my parents are not allowing me to go to the concert that I have been waiting for the last 4 years of my life. Boo-hoo! How heartbreaking is that? :((

Alia did say if she could kidnap me on the night of the concert so we can go together, she would. Oh girl, please do that. I'll be waiting for ya ;)