My semester report by the teachers came in recently and Mr Alderson's comments summarized my relationship with Maths so poignantly. This was what he had to say:
" Zafirah seems to have a double battle facing her in this subject. One is the problem that all students face; understanding the mathematical ideas and applying them correctly to solve problems. The other battle is one of confidence and belief that she can indeed do this subject."
One of the other Maths teachers did say my real problem was not that I couldn't understand the theories of Maths but it's a psychological problem. A mental block that I have where I would try to block Maths in my mind and grow into despising it so greatly. Uh oh. If they had fears of heights, snakes and crowded areas, why not fear of Maths eyh?
That wouldn't be so much of a problem if I had stayed on to do Law. But an Economics degree particularly at university level requires a GREAT deal of Mathematics, it's not something that I can run from. So, the only thing left for me to do to survive my next 5 years would be to actually start 'loving' the subject.
To welcome it into my life, to embrace, to spend more quality-time with it and to love it so dearly in my heart. Basically, I would have to get rid of this mental block in me and see Maths as another fun, interesting subject like History and Economics.
Ughh, I need to go to a shrink. And solve more Maths problems outside of class.